Raised by a family of upwardly mobile nutria, Alex Collmer spent the majority of his youth traveling the south fleeing from vigilante poachers feeding the pelt bubble of the late 40's and early 50's. At the age of 17, he crossed the Atlantic for the first time to attend the famed French Art school, Grandes Ecoles d'art, in an attempt to earn a degree majoring in the then-rising pre-post modern technique of using industrial appliances as brushes for paintings of organized labor meetings. However, early in his third (troisième) year he was expelled from GEdA for attempting to illegally splice the cable. While no one knew what cable was at the time, school officials and peers alike knew he was up to no good and bid him adieu on grounds of moral decrepitude. He vowed to avoid "all education for as long as I shall live".

From there, he entered a dark period of his life, where he is rumored to have spent 18 years working as a negative triple agent, spying on himself while living in Communist East Germany and filtering his reports to contacts in the Spanish government through a confused Mossad agent named Yevgeni Gonzales. Though it is unclear if anyone, in any government, ever read any of his reports, in 1972 he received a medal for excessive diligence from the Royal typewriter company. He graciously offered to allow them to bronze his typewriter, but the company eventually declined citing "character ambiguity" resulting from his childhood expulsion and rumors emerging about an inner monologue he had once had in a church in Vitoria-Gastéiz.

Dejected and uneducated, he returned to the United States determined to search out and settle down with his parents. Unfortunately, he soon learned that (a) all nutria look alike, and (b) with a lifespan of approximately 6 years, that they had long-since passed. Realizing that he was at a crossroad in his life, he decided to dedicate himself to doing that which is right, and founded LSFMDCON (The Louisiana School for Morally Decrepit Children of Nutria). With no students for the school's first 15 years, he spent his days teaching himself all of the things that he didn't know, and eventually became not only the class valedictorian, but also the president of the Atari club.

He currently resides in a suburb of Luckenbach, Texas and uses all of the Cisco hardware from Internet giant, to power his burgeoning blog.