The Left Mark

Great Press for Capt. Mckee

As readers from the early years of this blog know, I used to fish every year with a friend of mine in a flyfishing tournament in the Keys for tarpon, permit and bonefish.     With work piling up and a seemingly endless procession of weddings, I haven't made it down there for the last two years.    However, as much as busy schedules and constant travel could be blamed for my loss of interest in the tournament, I think one of the biggest reasons was that our guide moved  to Vieques, Puerto Rico.     Our final year fishing with Capt. McKee was definitely less jovial than others, partially because we were far off the leaderboard, but mostly because we knew that we were never going to win the tournament again.     I remember hanging out with Greg that Saturday night after two days on the flats.   We toasted the years past - in particular the year we won the tournament - and his last words to me were, "You guys should definitely come down to Vieques once I get set up.   There's not a person in sight, and there's more tarpon than you could imagine."

Now, two years later I found myself reading through the New York Times and I saw a picture on the cover of the Travel section that looked very familiar.    Upon closer inspection, sure enough, there was Capt. Greg McKee polling through the flats in Vieques.    It's a good article about a place that sounds like it deserves a visit from anyone who has ever wanted to catch a tarpon on a fly.    And I can tell you flat out that there's not a better guide on any flat than Capt. McKee.    Congratulations on the great press Greg.    Let's just hope for Greg's sake that Neil Bohannon doesn't read the New York Times!

My Fatwah

There comes a point in a man's life where he can no longer suffer the repeated embarrassment and outright disrespect directed at him from another.     The decisions made in those situations can define that man, and his life.    In choosing properly, even if aided by luck, heroes of history are born and men of average intellect crowned geniuses.   On the contrary, the wrong decision can put in motion an uncontrollable series of progressively worse events, with the end being so remote from the beginning, that neither side can remember how things got started, or more importantly, how to get back to normalized relations.

It is with these thoughts weighing heavily on my mind, that today, April 7, 2006, I am issuing a fatwa declaring jihad on trout - in particular, rainbow and brown trout.    The plain and simple truth is that I have been wronged by trout, on a consistent basis, for close to 10 years now.    It took me a while to  realize that this was the case, as, I understand now,  I have become very good at covering up failures with aphorisms, spouting things like "Hey, no worries - that's why they call it fishing and not catching" with greater and greater consistency over the years.    But, with winter ending and thoughts of the Delaware River starting to sprout in my mind like eager tulip bulbs, something snapped in me this year and forced me to conduct an honest accounting of the situation.   

The results of that analysis were not pretty.    I haven't caught anything on my 6 weight that I would disrespect by catching on a 2 weight in at least 8 years.   And, if you don't count fishing in the Keys, I probably haven't caught anything more than 10 x bigger than the flies used to catch them in just as long.   In fact, it wouldn't surprise me if most of the fish that I have caught, were actually not trying to eat my flies, but were merely trying to wrestle or play with them - thinking it was a buddy given their comparable sizes.    Enough's enough.    I'm done taking this lying down.    Trout and I are no longer friends, and the sad truth is that we probably haven't even been on speaking terms since the summer of either '95 or '96.   

So, what do I intend to do about it, and why, you might ask, do I think that openly declaring a jihad will do anything other than further strain an already  floundering relationship?    In response to the former, I have come up with the following:

My 10 Step Plan for Catching a Trout Bigger Than a Carrot:

1. Change my fly line - It's clearly cursed.   Or it smells bad.
2. Learn to think more like a trout - There are a number of good books on this, although, to my knowledge, none of them were published by trout so that does cast some doubt on their accuracy.
3. Invest more in flies - While I do have a pretty good collection of flies, they don't seem to work.   Maybe they got too close to my cursed fly line.
4. Be humble in my approach - There's no need to go for the long cast if there are good pockets closer.    Although it may seem more exciting to throw 40 yards of line out, mending becomes an issue and trout don't seem to be impressed by casting length.
5. Become better at mending line - Trout hate flies that don't get a natural drift.    They seem to particularly hate it when my (cursed) flies get a bad drift.
6. Fish more often - You can't catch a trout in Manhattan.   
7. Don't be fooled by false rises - Sometimes, it seems that trout rise again and again, but never take a fly.   In these situations, it can only be assumed that these trout are actually miniature dolphins (or another closely evolved species), and are coming to the surface for air.
8. Don't be angry if false rises are proven to be mocking - See above.   If, it is rather determined that trout are not actually mammals, and the false rises are actually trout mocking my casts, done for no plausible reason other than to taunt me, do not get angry and cause a scene.   The offending trout don't deserve that pleasure, and it may damage chances with other trout, further up the river.
9. Change flies more frequently - If a fly ain't workin', get it back in the box.
10. Don't fear the "dry fly as indicator, nymph or emerger hanging off the hook" set up - Very complicated, and can be annoying in windy conditions, but I think that trout respect the effort.

While nothing in life is certain, I can say that I feel much better going into the 2006 trout season with a solid plan ready for execution.     As for whether or not my open declaration of jihad will negatively impact my relationship with trout, only time will tell.   That said, I'm not really sure how they would find out anyway.   Given the daily page views numbers on my blog and the fact that, to my knowledge, no trout own computers, it seems difficult to believe that any trout would stumble upon this post doing a Google search on "Collmer trout jihad  Delaware River".    I guess Blackberry's could be a problem.    Otherwise, it would have to be through word of mouth, and the big problem there is that, seeing as I've never seen a trout with ears, I don't think they'd be able to hear someone giving them the warning.    But then again, that could just be that all of the trout I've caught have been too small to grow ears yet.   

Release the Hounds

With the 2004 Tarpon Bonanza now 3 days away, I figured there's no better time to start a blog than the present. The fishing reports coming out of the Key West flats fishing community seem to be heading in the right direction, and after a long weekend of relaxation with Nina's family, I'm ready for another run at the title.

Team Al & Al have a new strategy going into the '04 campaign, and assuming that the weather permits its execution, a Grand Slam - at least one tarpon, permit and bonefish during the 2 days on the flats - seems to be within the reach of the former champs turned chumps. Two years ago, there was much merriment on the waters around Woman Key as Captain Greg McKee turned the boys loose on two tarpon in the 50"+ category and one baby (seen in the picture above). Last year was another story, however, as a couple of poorly placed flies, a failed bow and some bad luck combined for an all-out skunking.

Rest assured, this will not be repeated.

Also worth note, the team has been expanded dramatically heading into this year's campaign, which could have serious adverse effects on a run at the title. This year's agenda includes 8 Cornell boys, a private house and the Keller/Mitchell X-factor. In short, Thursday night's exuberance could leave a mark on rookie challengers. We'll see.